If you haven't seen "Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe," you just haven't lived. This movie is so fabulous, so intensely delightful; a blitzkrieg on your senses.  You can't help but want to watch it again. It really sums up everything that defines a Terrible Movie: a ridiculous, convoluted plot; several washed up, quasi-star actors; apparently major plots points (contextually speaking) which never appear until half way through the movie, and then, are never explained; an almost complete lack of continuity editing; unintended innuendo and sarcasm; and, horrendous "acting."  And, yet, we can't wait to watch it again!  That alone is why it will never crack the top echelon of our ranking -- nobody, I mean nobody, wants to see "Manos and the Hands of Fate" or "NUKIE" again. Ever... Ever!
     "Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe" is the story of unrequited love. A futuristic super soldier, from the planet Sargacia, named Secundus, comes to Earth in search of a "human breeding unit" or "birthing member of the human race" (you may know them as women) to create the "Comater," who may possess the "Anti-life Equation" to unlock the passageway to a negative universe from which Secundus can rule everything.  Huh? Secundus, pursued by Jesse Ventura's character, "Abraxas," impregnates the first human female he finds; by holding his hand over her abdomen.

     Only a few minutes later, with seemingly no dfficulty, or the neccessity to remove her trousers, she gives birth to a sparklingly clean child. Then, she goes for a walk with him, and back home. Apparently, suffering no anxiety or distress over the whole ordeal, she raises "Tommy" as her own boy. It gets even more convoluted, but I won't toy with your intelligence on that point. Allow me to simply illustrate with a few quotes (provided kindly by IMDb):

Teacher: Can I help you?
Secundus: Bring me the comater.
Teacher: What?
Secundus: I said: Bring me the comater, or I will kill all these children... one at the time!
[pats a boy on the head]
Secundus: I looooove children.

Secundus: Are you a birthing member of the human race?
Sonia: Huh?
Secundus: I need your body!

Father: So what makes you think you can locate my 4-by-4?
Abraxas: My box has VD, trust me.
Mother: Your what?
Abraxas: VD. Vibrational Detection.

[Abraxas is sitting in bed, bare-chested, when Tommy walks in]
Abraxas: Hello. I suppose you're not tired. Do you want to sit up here with me? I'll tell you a story. It's about two men who were partners...